The Hunan provincial government in central China has scrapped a rule that its female civil servants must have “symmetrical breasts” after a public outcry.
The Hunan provincial government in central China has scrapped a rule that its female civil servants must have “symmetrical breasts” after a public outcry.
10. “Hey — no shoving, Monsignor!”
9. “I don’t know why they added subtitles — everyone speaks Aramaic”
8. “I’m hoping my medium Mountain Dew will miraculously be changed into an extra large Mountain Dew”
7. “These ‘Lord of the Ring’ films are getting odder and odder”
6. “Was this really based on a book?”
5. “Twelve dollars for a movie ticket? Now that’s a sin, am I right, people?”
4. “The Pope loved it almost as much as “Barber Shop 2′”
3. “Uh…I don’t feel like dinner right now.”
2. “That was awesome when Trump fired Pontius Pilate”
1. “Don’t tell me the ending”
BANGKOK—To allay concerns about the safety of Thai poultry following an outbreak of the H5N1 bird virus, Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra ate an entire 15-piece bucket of fried chicken on live television Monday. “See, it’s fine, this chicken,” Shinawatra said as he tore into a leg. “You are all worried for nothing. It’s delicious.”
In a poll taken after the broadcast, 63 percent of viewers said they wouldn’t be afraid to eat chicken raised in Thailand, but 94 percent said they were afraid of Shinawatra.
Moscow Zoo keepers are to fit televisions in the cages of their gorillas. Zoo director Vladimir Spitsyn said: “We want them to spend less time picking their noses and more time thinking about life.”
A Norwegian was so fed up with being his girlfriend’s designated driver that he lost his licence on purpose. The man spotted a police car and hit the accelerator, passing it 50km/h over the limit.
Hindu nationalists who claim they are fighting against Western cultural influence have threatened to shave young lovers’ heads and beat them if they exchange Valentine’s Day cards and gifts.
Israel’s embarrassed Transport Ministry has admitted that 2385 people who carry cards signifying they are legally blind have also been issued with valid driver licences.
STOCKHOLM – A wallet lost by a Swedish teenager more than 40 years ago has been returned, complete with the cash its owner once considered a small fortune.
Gulli Wihlborg was 18 when she lost the red wallet while riding her bicycle in the southern Sweden town of Trelleborg in 1963. So after four decades, she was stunned to open an envelope last week and find that someone had anonymously sent her the long forgotten wallet.
“It’s fantastic,” She said the wallet contained old photographs and receipts, and even all the cash she remembered losing. “It’s exactly 45 kronor and 54 oere, ($6.17). That was a lot of money for me then. I was renting a furnished room for 90 kronor, so that was half my rent,” she said. Adjusted for inflation, the amount of cash she lost would now be worth 412 kronor ($55.80).
The sender did not provide any clues about their identity, just a note that read: “Dear Gulli, you should never give up hope. Here’s your wallet that was found on (the street) Oestersjoegatan many years ago.
This gives procrastination a whole new meaning!
10. For Valentine’s Day he gives you a box of Pop Tarts and says, “If you need me, I’ll be at Hooters.”
9. The only thing you have in common is your hatred for one another.
8. You ask the guy at Hallmark where the “Controlling Bitch” section is.
7. You keep finding receipts for the guys she’s hired to kill you.
6. You still haven’t forgiven him for nailing that fat intern when he was a resident.
5. She brings a date to couples counselling.
4. You just married Liza Minnelli.
3. He won’t shut up about how great his secretary is in bed.
2. You sleep in separate beds in separate bedrooms in separate houses in separate states.
1. Her pet nickname for you — “Numb-nuts.”
German pop star Werner Boehm’s wife has left him after he fell for a baboon. “It was love at first sight,” he said. “The monkey is extremely musical and can even play the piano. We’re on the same wavelength.”
A British company is selling MP3 players that attach to an assault rifle in place of ammunition. A company partner said: “Hopefully militants and terrorists will use their AK-47s to listen to music.”
A disgruntled motorist in Somerset blew up a speed camera with a home-made bomb. Earlier, someone wrecked a camera with an angle grinder and three others were burned in tyres filled with petrol.
A Pittsburgh girl, 7, has been suspended from school for saying “hell”. But she says she was only warning a boy for saying “I swear to God”. “I said, ‘You’re going to go to hell for swearing to God’.”
Inspired by Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s facelift, a Tuscany mayor is offering to pay for cosmetic surgery for councillors so they can better represent the image of the town Mulazzo.
A shopper in Wales was banned by a grocery store for going through the check-out with her trolley back-to-front. Patricia Evans was told it was company policy, before red-faced bosses lifted the ban.
A tomcat nicknamed Frosty found frozen to the ground in minus 29 degrees was saved by a Minnesota animal shelter. Staff wrapped four- year-old Frosty in hot towels to thaw him out over three days
GLENDALE, CA—According to nurses at the Rosewater Rehabilitation Clinic, that guy who used to play the fat guy on that one show was admitted Monday for treatment of alcohol abuse and depression.
“He looked exactly like he did on that one show, except a bit older and fatter,” nurse Christina Prenz told reporters. “I asked him to do that thing he always used to do, but he just stared at me. Then he started crying.” Prenz added that, during their group therapy session, she plans to ask him why the show was cancelled.
ISRAELI police have come up with plans to place bags of pig lard on buses in a bid to deter Palestinian militants from carrying out suicide attacks. Rabbinical authorities have given the idea its approval on the grounds that it could be a life-saving measure even though pigs are also considered impure by Jews.
Authorities believe that the move could discourage Palestinians from carrying out attacks as pieces of their exploded body could come into contact with the pig fat, prejudicing their chances of entering into paradise. Security forces can also hang bags of lard in shopping malls and schools.
The weird thing about this story is its TRUE!
In a related story, Department of Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge held a press confrence today stating “Every American should wear a pig lard necklace to keep America safe from terrorists”
WASHINGTON, DC—A NASA poll conducted to gauge support for President Bush’s space-exploration initiative revealed that a depressing 57 percent of Americans believe that the U.S. already has a research base on the moon. “We put that international space-station thing up there in the ’60s,” phone-poll respondent Randy Snow said. “It might be on Mars, but I think it’s the moon—wherever they have the golf course that President Kennedy played on. Remember, the Cubans tried to take it over?” NASA officials said they hope someday to make Americans’ perception a reality.
WEST POINT, NY—According to an official statement released by the U.S. Military Academy Tuesday, six cadets are dead and 14 wounded after an unsuccessful panty raid on the women’s barracks Monday night.
One of Finland’s richest men has been handed a record 170,000 euros speeding ticket, thanks to the country’s policy of relating the fine to your income. Jussi Salonoja, the 27-year-old heir to a family-owned sausage empire, was given the £116,000 ticket after being caught driving 80kph in a 40kph zone.
Helsinki police came up with the figure after tax office data showed that Mr Salonoja earned close to £7m in 2002. If his penalty stands it will beat the previous record of almost 80,000 euros. That figure (£54,000) was paid in 2000 by Finnish internet millionaire Jaakko Rytsola, when he was caught speeding.
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Looking for a little something special for your valentine? How about a hissing cockroach? That’s the suggestion from the folks at the Ross Park Zoo in Binghamton, N.Y. The zoo is running a Valentine’s Day adoption program called “Give Your Beauty a Beast.”
For ten bucks, you can adopt a hissing cockroach for your sweetheart. The adoption includes a photo, cockroach fact sheet and a free pass for your special friend to visit the little hisser. If a roach doesn’t say “I love you,” the zoo has some romantic alternatives. There’s a bearded dragon, a black vulture and a bleeding heart dove.
AHMADABAD, India — A 43-year-old woman in western India gave birth to her own grandchildren after she acted as the surrogate mother for her daughter’s twin children, doctors said Friday.
The names of the woman and her daughter were being withheld at the family’s request, said Dr. Nayana Patel, the fertility expert who treated the women. The births happened nearly two weeks ago in Anand, a town 60 miles south of Ahmadabad, the commercial capital of western Gujarat state, she said. The daughter suffers from a rare medical condition that left her unable to bear a child.
Like.. there arn’t enough in India already?
In Tanzania, a man cut off his genitals in an attempt to win sympathy from friends and relatives after squandering the money they lent him on prostitutes and alcohol.
A German man who taught his dog Adolf to give a Hitler salute by raising his right paw was charged with violating Germany’s anti-Nazi laws.
The Backpacking magazine “Trail” has apologized after its latest issue showed a route that led off a cliff on Britain’s highest mountain. Editor Guy Procter said he was gutted by the error made in production.
Russian troops, divers and others using a modified T72 tank are helping retrieve 10 tons of beer trapped under a frozen Siberian river. In minus 27C, a week-long effort to extract the truck carrying the beer has proved fruitless.
A diamond merchant in India, whose cow swallowed a bag of diamonds, has tried for three days to make it pass dung so that he can recover them. Dilubhai Rajput has so far retrieved 310 of the 1722 diamonds.
A bachelor in China, fed up with giving away money at weddings of relatives and friends, hired a prostitute for a bogus marriage to recoup his losses. The man paid the prostitute $93 to pose as his bride and collected $627 in cash gifts at the ceremony.
10. Latoya-Go-Round
9. Diseased Chimp Petting Zoo
8. Mr. Toad’s Wild Hyperbaric Chamber
7. Country Bear Crotch-Grabbin’ Jamboree
6. Michael’s Haunted Pants
5. Guess Tito’s Weight
4. Used Surgical Mask Trampoline
3. 20,000 Leagues Under The Scalpel
2. The Lipo-Coaster
1. Deposition Land
The Indian parliament has banned the sale of Coke and Pepsi products in its cafeteria. Indian parliamentarians should take the logical next step, and ban the sale of Coke and Pepsi products in the entire country.
The ban came as the result of tests, including those by the Indian government, which found high concentrations of pesticides and insecticides, including lindane, DDT, malathion and chlorpyrifos, in the colas, making them unfit for consumption. Some samples tested showed the presence of these toxins to be more than 30 times the standard allowed by the European Union. Tests of samples taken from the U.S. of the same drinks were found to be safe.
Isnt that Refreshing!
Police are hunting a robber who held up a shop at gunpoint dressed as a giant chicken.
The wanted man walked into the grocery store in Columbus, Ohio, in the yellow costume and demanded cash from the safe. “We have guys with fake moustaches now and again but never anything like this,” a Columbus police spokesman said.
“The person obviously has some kind of access to a chicken suit, or possibly even owns a chicken suit,” he told local television. “So if you know of someone, please call the robbery squad.”
The man fled on his giant orange feet but was not pursued. He faces several charges, including aggravated menacing and intimidation.
NORWAY – When the father found his 16-year-old daughter naked in bed with the 28-year-old man, who renting a room in his house, the father just lost it. The unsuspecting lover got a taste of a father’s rage. He got a beating so severe that he ended up on sick leave for two months.
According to the local paper Bergensavisen, the 28-year-old was allegedly pulled out of bed where he was laying together with the man’s 16-year-old daughter, and he was served five punches to his head. According to the paper, the 28-year-old’s jaw is fractured. In addition, the father allegedly screamed that he would kill him.
Nordhordaland county court sentenced the father to five months suspended prison sentence. According to the paper, the courts argument for the mild sentence was, among other things, that the court claimed the father’s anger was very understandable. The court refers to the fact that the 28-year-old several times was asked to stay away from the man’s daughter.