WASHINGTON, DC—George Washington Memorial Hospital is struggling to deal with an influx of Republicans with concussions, broken bones, and internal injuries suffered during the recent stampede to discredit Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry, emergency-room personnel reported Monday.
Polder said he has not seen so many right-wing injuries since the late ’90s, when hundreds of Republicans were hurt climbing on and off the Newt Gingrich bandwagon.
I was in the crowd on the National Archive steps,” conservative Washington Times columnist Paul Greenberg said, holding his head as he awaited treatment for deep shock and moral outrage. “When I realized everyone else there also wanted abstracts of Kerry’s congressional voting records, I started to run. I guess we all had the same idea at the same time. It feels like I got rolled over by a 10-ton think tank.”
“I was lucky, though,” Greenberg said, wrapping himself in the flag. “Worst thing hurt was my pride.”
Los Angeles producer Margaret Oakes said the set of the TV show Roundtable was overrun with frantic conservatives.
“I tried telling them to stop, that they were only hurting themselves, but they didn’t seem to fear for their credibility one bit,” Oakes said. “One woman tried to get to the front of the crowd, slipped, and fell face-first into a forest of microphone stands. When I asked her where she was hurt, she said, ‘the cheek… of that man to misrepresent his voting record on gay marriage.’”
“Let us not rush to judgment and inadvertently hurt our own image,” Rep. Chris Shays (R-CT) said Sunday. “This Republican-on-Republican violence must end.”
Shays added that his prayers are with Rush Limbaugh’s family. The conservative radio personality died Tuesday when a busload of pro-Bush Vietnam veterans, in their rush to lambast Kerry on the air, ran a red light, swerved to avoid a carload of National Review reporters, and smashed through the wall of the Excellence In Broadcasting studio, killing Limbaugh and three sound technicians.