Donald Rumsfeld categorically denied reports that the Defense Department continues to send troops into Iraq without sufficient supplies. Commenting on the status of the newly armored assault vehicles he assured the press that every effort has been made to equip our mobile infantry with the latest technology, adding that he did not know of any units that were not 100% battle ready.
All articles in category: "parody,politics,war"
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Pentagon denies troops sent to Iraq without sufficient supplies
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So THATS what dogs are for!
SpoungeBob thinks it’s cute too! – click it to make it bigger
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Highly Effective Anti-terrorist System Deployed for Airlines
Frustrated by the lack of effective deterrents to thwart possible terrorists attacks to airlines the DHS has initiated a new system that was designed by a special team at the White House.
It was designed to seal off access to the pilots cockpit from any terrorists who are wanting to take control.
In a recent press conference the president stated “This is a new tool to stop any evil doer that gets on board your flight. I personally directed its design with my new anti-terrorist team. I even choose the color yellow, cause those Islamic Nazi’s hate yellow, cause their yellow evil doers!”
When asked about design problems, and specifically the fact that no one can exit the plane after deployment, he responded. “You just don’t get it, they are EVIL and want to take you freedoms away, they are jealous that we live in a free, god fearing country, We are at WAR and we wont stop until these evil doers give up.”
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Has Outsourcing Gone Too Far??
Customers leave after visiting ‘Hitler’s Cross’ a restaurant at Kharghar, New Bombay, India. Hitler’s Cross, a four-day old restaurant has riled some in India’s financial capital, but its owner has no plans to make amends.
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This Guy is a Frickin Genius!
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Trailer Hitch Jesus
In the name of Zeus, what were they thinking?
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Preschool boys learn Right from Left
Studies have shown that men have an inborn fixation on breasts. Taking this into account, teachers at Earth Mother Preschool in San Ramon, California have successfully been able to teach young boys the difference between right and left in less than 30 seconds.Unfortunately this method does not work with preschool girls since they have not reached the age where they try to compare their breasts with other girls.
Buoyed by this success they are now working on a new program to teach boys when its OK to look at a women’s breasts, and how to interpret a woman’s reaction when they look at their breasts.
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Poster of the Week
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A Man of Peace
Congressman Dennis Kucinich visits Maui on his continuing campaign for domestic and international peace.
Congressman Kucinich and the Sushi Bandit discuss Peacebuilding in Haiku, MauiRead the full story at:http://www.mauiweekly.com/features/story2348.aspx
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Tonight is an Important Milestone in American History
At 9:30 tonight, after roughly your 8th beer, the US will have been in Iraq longer than it was in WWII. This is because the Nazis were total pussies.
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Why doesn’t Canada have any Weather?
Rant, Rant, Rant,
For years now I have been wondering why Canada doesn’t have any weather.
Every night I watch The Weather Channel. They show you all these frickin maps with the clouds and the current temperature and the severe weather alerts but LOOK, nothing ever happens in Canada!
No clouds, no rain, no fog, no roads, nada, nothing, zip. It all stops at the border. Amazing!
All I know about Canada is it’s fucking Cold all the time, they have great health insurance, and their hockey players are gay (ever seen Kids in the Hall?).I guess since the weather never changes, no one wants to talk about it anymore. You know, old news. Or maybe its because they speak French.
Then it hit me! Holy Shit! Look at this map. Mexico doesn’t have any weather either!
All I know about Mexico is it’s Hot as hell all the time, they have donkey shows, and they eat Mexican food for breakfast.
Maybe because they speak different languages in Canada and Mexico the National Weather Service cant understand their weather reporters.
Yea, that’s probably it!
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Who uses the word "Miscreants?"
I recently submitted a letter to the editor to the Maui News on the proposed Superferry that will run between Oahu and Maui. I thought it was hard hitting and addressed an important issue that no one else was talking about, the influx of Crime from Oahu. I expected it to be edited by the crack staff at Maui News because it was over 300 words, but I never expected the title to be changed.
My title “The Superferry and Maui Crime” was thoughtfully changed to “Superferry, aka H-4, a road to Maui for miscreants”
What? H-4?? Miscreants??? What type of “spin” is this??
Perplexed since I have only vaguely been exposed to this word in old English love novels and political campaign speeches by Warren Harding, I felt compelled to look it up in my 1957 version of Webster’s.Miscreant (mis’kri-ent) adj. Ofr miscreant, unbelieving ppr. Of creire, to believe. 1. villianous; evil 2. unbelieving; heretical; infidel.
So now my letter is about importing Unbelieving Villianous Infidels from Oahu?
I think I like that title better!
http://www.mauinews.com/story.aspx?id=22326
UPDATE: 8-17-6
Well they printed my above response in the Maui News with only a few words deleted! Good for them. It can be found at: http://www.mauinews.com/story.aspx?id=22483
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Terrorists using Cuneiform Tablets to avoid DHS scrutiny
Terrorists get upper hand. DHS, FBI, DOD and CIA are all baffled. No one on staff has studied any dead languages.
“We first thought that these intercepted clay tablets were just writings about the Epic of Gilgamesh” said Larry “T.R.” Teal, a temp agency guard at the port of Pascagoula, Mississippi. “But I realized that they had misspelled the goddess Rimat-Ninsun’s name. I knew something was up!”After consulting with Mr. Teal, DHS determined that these were orders to invade, rape and pillage the town of “Uruk”. Uruk is the CIA’s code name for Crawford, Texas.
With hundreds of additional tablets discovered, it is estimated to take years to read them all. “We have extended the temp agency’s contract so Mr. Teal can get to work on deciphering them.” said Bob Landreau, Director of the Mississippi Office of Homeland Security.
The shortage of qualified translators of ancient Sumerian has been exasperated by their internment at Guantánamo and Abu Ghraib prisons.
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Look Ma, No Hands!
I must of come-up with 30 different titles for this picture. Maybe you have a better one!
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My Kind of Team!
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Hot with Text
Preacher’s wife pulls gun on husband during service
NEWPORT, Ark. — A preacher’s wife was arrested after police say she pulled a gun on her husband because she allegedly was upset over text messages he had sent to a youth group member and she demanded he admit his infidelity.
Tammy Estes surrendered to law officers at the Pentecostal Church of God in Newport after a brief standoff at the church Sunday evening. No one was injured. Most church members left the building, but several stayed behind to try to convince her to surrender. Larry Estes was hired as the church’s minister more than a year ago. He also is the owner of DaBoyz Plumbing.
… I guess he likes to talk about his “pipe”
