The Senate Judiciary Committee just approved Eric Holder for the Attorney General spot, by 17-2, which means the full Senate will now happily okay his nomination and America will have its first-ever African-American head of the Justice Department.
There is a certain justice to this development, MMMHMMM? Anyway let’s hope Holder is a little bit better than the first Mexican attorney general, Pancho Via.
This just in: George Bush has just announced a State of National Emergency and has appointed himself Emperor of A’merica.
This action is due to the failure of the war on terror, faith based initiatives, and no child left behind. Standing along with our new exalted leader during the announcement were Cheney, Gonzalez, Chertoff, Bolton, Rice, Card, Palin, Rumsfeld, Fleischer, McClellan, Snow, Rove, Roberts, Miers, Ridge, Ashcroft, Paulson, and DeLay.
Emperor Bush has declared martial law and directed the joint chiefs of staff to initiate operation “drop your pants” where all Americans will get an identity chip imbedded up their ass. All who refuse will be shot on the spot. Also, by decree the inauguration of that “Boy from Hawaii” is canceled just like all the election results, nation-wide.
When asked by a reporter how this can be legal he responded “Cause I’m the decider. Now drop your pants!”
P.S. it could happen, he still has one more day!
In naval shipbuilding there is something called a “Naming Convention.” It is a set of rules that specifies that certain types of ships be named a certain way. For example a Frigate is named for a naval or marine hero. Aircraft Carriers were named after either famous battles like Lexington, or other famous ships from the navy’s history like the Enterprise. But some republican back during Nixon days decided it was best to name them after politicians. That man is Senator John Warner.
He was instrumental in naming one of the new Nimitz class aircraft carriers in honor of former Georgia Representative Carl Vinson. It was the also first Navy ship to be named for someone still living.
That’s right, before this if you had a ship named after you… you had to be DEAD! Then he did it again with the “U.S.S. Ronald Regan” and now it’s the “U.S.S. George Herbert Walker Bush” the one term hero that liberated Kuwait’s oil fields. Woo Hoo! So who signed the approval to name the ship? Of course his son, King Shrub.
When Teddy Roosevelt formalized the naming convention for naval ships the requirement to be DEAD was really important. Ego, political “pay to play,” and general ass kissing was pretty much eliminated since the person being honored was already DEAD. Word is out that John Warner will have a submarine named after him soon. This is the Shrub’s way of thanking him for all he did to have the biggest warship in the world named after his dad. This pitiful display is all about the enormous ego of politicians that think they are god’s gift to man.
But when you think about it why stop at naming a ship after you? Let’s start renaming some of the states. There is a Washington, right?
Florida QB Tim Tebow, the darling of the NCAA will be passed over during the upcoming NFL draft. National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell when asked why the Heisman winner and 2-time national champion QB was not considered, “It has become obvious that Tebow credits all his success to Jesus Christ.” “His statements and even the writing in his eye-blackout paint point not to his athletic ability or intelligence but to Jesus.” Goodell continued, “In fact he rarely mentions his team or coaches, just this Jesus guy, so we need to get him under contract ASAP.”
Sports agent Drew Rosenhaus has issued a press release announcing his representation of J.C. “He is a great talent and will lead his chosen team right to the Super Bowl.” Tebow was unavailable for comment.
A St. Louis man was jailed 3 1/2 days and charged with making a threat about a shoe bomb.
Michael Shafermeyer, 30, was arrested Saturday boarding a flight at Lambert Airport on Saturday. He was flying to Maryland to get married and because he was anxious about the wedding and nervous about flying, he had a few drinks before getting to the airport. His friends describe him as a guy with a non-stop, quirky sense of humor.
When a flight attendant asked him to close his laptop after boarding, Shafermeyer says he was just trying to make a joke when he asked her, “Are you the one who checks for shoe bombs?” Within minutes federal agents whisked him off the plane and he spent the next 2 ½ days in solitary confinement in the St. Louis County Jail. The final day in jail, he was put in general holding with 20-30 other people, who he said stood and gave him a standing ovation.
Shafermeyer said he’s charged with making a false bomb report. He still plans to go to Maryland to get married, but will take the train to get there.