Now that the holiday is over it is time to get back to being “real” Americans!
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So they did a poll to see if native born, all American citizens know why we celebrate the 4th of July. They found that about three-quarters of residents — 74% — know the U.S. declared its independence from Great Britain in 1776. The bad news for the academic system — 26% do not. This 26% includes one-fifth who are unsure and 6% who thought the U.S. separated from another nation. Countries mentioned are France, China, Japan, Mexico, and Spain.
I think this is an AMAZING result. Considering that a good 10% of Americans probably have Alzheimer’s. Then another 5% are just regular crazy people. And probably 11% of Americans got offended that some annoying academic calling them up during dinner to ask inane question and answered, “The United States won its independence from the country of Bite Me.” You can see in the chart below how we all fared.
Funny that they didn’t ask “What country was most responsible in financing and supporting the American revolution with their troops and navy?” My guess is that only 3% know that answer.
So enjoy the 4th and be sure to eat a hot dog with some American fries!
NEW YORK—According to a study published by the Popular Culture Research Group Monday, the majority of American citizens are out of touch with mainstream American society.
“We’re not sure, at this point, whether this is a new trend or a continuation of an old trend,” PCRG consultant Paul Van Lamm said. “All we know right now is that 70 to 85 percent of Americans are unfamiliar with, unaware of, or just plain don’t care about what the American people are watching on television, seeing at the movie theater, listening to on their radios, wearing, rooting for, falling in love with all over again, or downloading.”
According to Van Lamm, 71 percent of U.S. citizens polled had no interest in NASCAR racing, America’s fastest-growing sport. Van Lamm added that 69 percent of poll respondents said they did not have a single Hispanic friend, in spite of the fact that Hispanics are the nation’s fastest-growing minority group. Additionally, the majority of poll respondents did not see the final episode of Friends, television’s most-watched sitcom.”It’s disturbing,” Van Lamm said. “I’m uncomfortable with the number of U.S. citizens who have no interest in what interests the greater part of their fellow citizens.”
WASHINGTON — A new survey conducted by the nonpartisan Pew Research Center show anti-American views are held by many outside America in addition to a growing consensus of intelligent primates. One year after the invasion of Iraq most people around the world oppose President Bush, and look unfavorably at U.S. motives in the region.
The findings suggest that America’s international public image has fallen even farther than had been previously suggested, as primates were never included as an official demographic prior to this study.
“It’s one thing for France and Germany and Spain and all Muslim nations to hate us, but they are technically the same species as us,” said Harvard Professor of Anthropology Henry Davis. “What’s intriguing here is that this hatred spans across varying life forms. This is a new kind of symbiosis that has never been observed before in the history of nature.”
“We’re even seeing some preliminary results now that some types of birds have strong feelings about the war in Iraq, but more experiments are necessary,” said Davis.
LAWRENCE, KS—More than 3,000 U.S. citizens have banded together to form a massive special disinterest group, Coalition Of Unconcerned Americans press secretary Sarah Fisher said Tuesday.
Politicians are completely out of touch with those Americans who are completely out of touch with politics,” Fisher said. “Why is Congress always debating foreign policy and tariffs and social security and stuff? How can they claim to represent the views of the people when the people don’t know anything about all that legislative nonsense? The CUA represents the views and beliefs of those Americans who care the least.”
The CUA was formed by Mark Berger and Sofia Richardson, two similarly non-civic-minded Wilmington, DE, residents whose paths crossed on Feb. 3, when they both did not vote in their state’s primary.
“Some of my friends were going to vote in the election, but I didn’t really care about it enough to go,” Berger said. “I was sorta like, ‘What’s it matter?’ If I’d have gone to vote that day, I never would’ve run into Sofia at the Starbucks, and we never would’ve started this massive apolitical movement. Who says that two people can’t make an indifference?”
Celebrating American freedom on July 4, 1821, U.S. Secretary of State John Quincy Adams delivered a speech to the U.S. House of Representatives setting forth the vision of the American republic: ‘She (the United States) has abstained from interference in the concerns of others, even when conflict has been for principles to which she clings, as to the last vital drop that visits the heart…. She goes not abroad, in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator only of her own…. She well knows that by once enlisting under other banners than her own, were they even the banners of foreign independence … the fundamental maxims of her policy would insensibly change from liberty to force…. She might become the dictatress of the world.’
“If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their money, first by inflation and then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around them (around the banks), will deprive the people of their property until their children will wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.” – Thomas Jefferson