It’s the End of the World as we Know It, It’s the End of the World as we Know It, It’s the End of the World as we Know It, and I Feel Fine! – R.E.M.
Carbon dioxide is “essentially harmless” to human beings and good for plants. So now will you stop worrying about global warming?
Utah’s House of Representatives apparently has. Officially the most Republican state in America, its political masters have adopted a resolution condemning “climate alarmists”, and disputing any scientific basis for global warming. The measure, which passed by 56-17, has no legal force, though it was predictably claimed by climate change sceptics as a great victory.
The original version of the bill dismissed climate science as a “well organised and ongoing effort to manipulate and incorporate “tricks” related to global temperature data in order to produce a global warming outcome”. It accused those seeking action on climate change of riding a “gravy train” and their efforts would “ultimately lock billions of human beings into long-term poverty”.
In the heat of the debate, the representative Mike Noel said environmentalists were part of a vast conspiracy to destroy the American way of life and control world population through forced sterilisation and abortion.
By the time the final version of the bill came to a vote, cooler heats apparently prevailed. The bill dropped the word “conspiracy”, and described climate science as “questionable” rather than “flawed”. It also called on the federal government’s Environmental Protection Agency to order an immediate halt in its moves to regulate greenhouse gas emissions “until a full and independent investigation of climate data and global warming science can be substantiated”.
Since 2008 sucked in so many major ways I decided to not bother you with my negative dribble. Instead, let’s talk about what was right and fresh and rewarding about 2008!
Best new musical artist: Kate Nash
Best sports team: Tampa Bay Rays
Best TV series: Boston Legal
Best TV cartoon: Family Guy
Best movie drama: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (france)
Best action movie: The Dark Night (us)
Best movie comedy: Kamikaze Girls (japan)
Best computer app: Google Earth 4.3
Best discovery: Liquid methane oceans on Titan
Best politician: Dennis Kucinich (Ohio congressman)
Best food: Pineapple
Best wife: Pam
As you know I am a VERY observant guy. I have seen many girls stand around and talk about being bloated. “Can you see how Bloated I am? Just look at me! I wasn’t like that this-morning. I just feel so disgusted and sooo bloated”.
In fact, girls like to get together and compare how bloated they are.
My personal research on this subject is quite extensive since I have a wife, 3 daughters, and a long history as a “Ladies Man.” I came to realize that the swelling of Bloat Gland is directly related to a girl’s bitchy-ness. In fact I have developed a scale to measure this. It is called the “Bloat-O-Bitch” scale.
0-4 – Everything is OK.
5-7 – Girls start bitching that they can not get into the jeans they wore yesterday.
8 – They start crying because they are getting fat and nothing fits anymore.
9 – All men are advised to leave the room immediately since they will become the subject of an unbearable tirade about how it’s their fault she is like this.
10 – Well need I say any more? It gets too graphic for this page!
The only things that reduce bloating is time, a spoon, and a gallon of Ice Cream.