French Kerguelen Islands (AP): Today it was announced that by a sheer accident, God (photo above) was found on Kerguelen by a team of French researchers. Also known as “Desolation Island” few explorers have visited this cold and windy island in the southern Indian Ocean. Last month while studying the indigenous, edible Kerguelen cabbage a team of researchers from the Institut National des Sciences Appliquées de Toulouse stumbled upon a small unmarked temple and discovered God floating above a tiered rock pedestal. When asked by reporters if they could prove it was really God, the team leader Doctor J. G. Verne stated “Once we entered the temple God immediately spoke to us, “What took you so long? I have been waiting here forever!” Taken back, we asked if it was really-real or just an uber-cool 3-D hologram. “I am GOD, the one all mankind seeks. I am GOD the creator of the universe.” God then told us the meaning of life! After hearing that there was no doubt in our minds that we had really found God. When asked by the press to talk more about the meaning of life and other great mysteries like why some people are gay, Doctor Verne stated that all the team’s transcripts would be published in Les Humains Associés after he returns from his planned family vacation at Walt Disney World.
New York (AP): Police today found God Jesus and his Mother Mary brutily shot in his upper east-side apartment. Police say they suspect it was either a mob revenge killing or a drug deal gone bad.
now get over it!
The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree… yeah, that makes perfect sense to me.
South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, still clinging to office after admitting to an extramarital affair, wrote in an opinion piece released Sunday that God will change him so he can emerge from the scandal a more humble and effective leader.
So God will change him? Into what??
A bigger dick then he already is?
A better lier so he wont get caught again?
A circus clown so no one will recognize him in SC? (wait, that doesn’t work anymore)
A heap of gelatinous goo?
I vote for Goo!
These supposed Christians made a mockery of their faith in October 2008, when they cavorted about this golden idol of mammon, the Molten Calf of Wall Street, because obviously the best way to head off a global recession is to sing “God Bless America” to a statue of an animal. What has happened since these idolaters demanded that Jesus fix the stock markets? Let’s take a look!
So, while it may be impossible to time a market, it’s a pretty good bet that when fundamentalist conservative Christians are praying to a golden bull, you should pretty much move all your stocks and bonds to cash for at least six months!
Original Story posted: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 http://www.sushibandit.com/2008/10/jesus-people-pray-that-false-idol-will.html
Well here they are, at the Wall Street bull statue thing, praying to Jesus for money. The dingbat has explained, “We are going to intercede at the site of the statue of the bull on Wall Street to ask God to begin a shift from the bull and bear markets to what we feel will be the ‘Lion’s Market,’ or God’s control over the economic systems.”
Don’t they know that God taking over the economic systems would be SOCIALISM from SPACE? Also: God will be very mad that they are worshiping a bronze idol here, since his second commandment PROHIBITS THAT, duh?