All articles in category: "Fuck you,fundie,religion"
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A Special Note for all my Fundie Friends
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Look at What I Found Today
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It’s Friday
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Your Brain On Religion
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Sunday Sermon
Jesus and Mary Jane mix-masters. -
The Separation of Church and State
Thomas Jefferson wrote, “I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should ‘make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,’ thus building a wall of separation between Church & State.”
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Sunday Sermon
I dont give a flying fuck what you belive. Just keep it to yourself!
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Sunday Sermon
The Living Bible version 10.16.11. abridged and annotated with a forward by Steve Jobs.
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Yes…
Is the Sushi Bandit in? No he can’t be disturbed. Excuse me? Your a family member? His god-father? I’m sorry but the Sushi Bandit has no god-father. In fact he disdains all religion. He calls it the cancer of mankind.
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Rapture Announcements
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Holy Fuckin Shit – Flying Dead People!
The Zombie Apocalypse has started. I see Michael Jackson!
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Rapture Express Lane to Heaven
Whites Only
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Your Sunday Sermon
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Your Sunday Sermon
I dont give a shit! -
Wingnut Training Stick
Don’t push me!
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A Thought for a Sunday
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A Thought for a Sunday
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Dear Dr. Laura
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that nowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of debate.I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 9:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
The Sushi Bandit
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Dead Sea Scrolls Mystery Solved
The recent decoding of a cryptic cup, the excavation of ancient Jerusalem tunnels, and other archaeological detective work has helped solve one of the great biblical mysteries: Who wrote the Dead Sea Scrolls and why?
“Jews wrote the Scrolls not to document religious text but to lay the foundation of Jewish comedy” said archaeologist Robert Paragill. “After extensive decoding it has now become apparent that many of the riddles turned out to be ancient stand-up comedy bits. Unfortunately many of the previous researchers were trying to find some religious significance in the text when in reality it was a very large compilation of mother-in-law jokes.”
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Why I’m Not a Christian
Sorry, but I can not worship a frickin dog. No matter how cute it is!
