The sales lady at the hardware store said, “30 days.” She then smiled and said, “Unless you sit on it.”
“How will I know if it fits?” She looks at me and asks “Are your pants a 42″ waist? Then you’ll fit just fine.”
“What does my waist have to do with it? It’s my package that I’m concerned about. I cant have it hanging in the water!”
So we are going out tomorrow night…
LONDON – Female revellers at the Glastonbury Festival will be able to enjoy this year’s show without straining their bladders — courtesy of stand-up urinals.
Organisers have installed two sets of the urinals around the main Pyramid stage for the exclusive use of women, complete with “concierge” attendants to ensure a dignified experience.
Key to the arrangement is a special, anatomically shaped funnel to be handed out to each user. “There are plenty of places the men can go and have a pee when they’re right in the middle of the festival and not near some of the proper toilets. These are the female equivalent of that,” said a spokesman for the festival.
A Swiss pensioner lost his false teeth in a fight with a prostitute. The woman hit the man, aged 74, in the face and then kicked him. His teeth fell into a toilet and couldn’t be recovered.
Thieves who stole a portable public toilet in Belarus – and loaded it on a trailer – unwittingly kidnapped a man who was sitting on it. The man was injured when he jumped off the moving trailer.
British defence force eyebrows have been raised with the news that of 1669 soldiers “medically downgraded” as a result of service in Iraq last year, 83 were women who were sent home pregnant.
British police are hunting for a man who stole a closed-circuit television camera from a Liverpool shop. To help them, they have an extreme close-up shot of the thief in action.
The US Senate has been told that the Pentagon has wasted $US100 million on airline tickets that were never used, and for which refunds were never sought, since 1997.
Young Norwegians can earn a merit badge in sex this summer. The pin, modeled on a popular summer swimming merit badge, is an offer from Swedish-Norwegian sex education group RFSU. The badge, which displays sperm cells swimming in waves, can be won by correctly answering 10 out of 13 questions about sex.
TSUKUBA, JAPAN – A teen knocked unconscious when a hospital toilet exploded died Wednesday, police said.
The 19-year-old, whose name has not been released, died as a result of the severe burns sustained throughout his body in the Tuesday night blast. He had been unconscious in the agonizing few hours until his death. Police said the victim, an unemployed youth from Mitsukaido, Ibaraki Prefecture, was found lying unconscious next to a bottle containing a liquid believed to have been the cause of the blast. Forensic scientists are currently analyzing the contents of the bottle to determine what it is.
HAMBURG, Germany – A woman’s car was badly damaged Wednesday when a portable toilet was whisked into the air in a storm and flung down on the hood of her car, police said.
The accident happened as the woman was driving toward downtown Hamburg, police spokesman Ralf Kunz said. The woman was not hurt, but the toilet caused damage estimated at $6,000.
LONGMONT, Colo. (AP) — Gary and Karri Clark haven’t forgotten their second Christmas together. He knew she wanted bathroom accessories, so he wrapped up a couple of gifts and waited. The toilet seat and towel rack didn’t go over too well.
Karri Clark admits she wanted a new toilet seat a decade ago because there was a crack in the old one. She just didn’t think she’d get one gift wrapped. “I could not believe it,” she said. “What man gives you a toilet seat for Christmas?”
“Here I thought I was doing good,” he recalled with a laugh. “It was something she can always use, day after day. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.”
A US company has created a waterless urinal, which it says conserves water, reduces odour, and prevents the spread of bacteria. It looks like a normal urinal – white enamel mounted on the wall. But it doesn’t have a handle to flush, freeing germ-conscious men from having to wiggle an elbow or bit of sleeve to keep their hands clean as they push the lever that is often suspiciously damp.
That’s because this urinal has a cartridge lodged inside the drain, filled with a special biodegradable sealant that traps odours and reduces the spread of germs as the urine passes through. A normal urinal uses 150,000 litres of water in a year, according to Falcon Waterfree Technologies, which along with the US firm Waterless and Germany’s Duravit is one of the leaders in the market. The water saved in one year by six of the new urinals would be enough to fill an Olympic-sized pool. “It’s the best invention since the flush toilets were invented,” microbiologist Charles Gerba said.