Next in the series includes: “Why the scanner man want to see my butt”, “Mommy never made the flight”, and “Do you know any terrorists?”
All articles in category: "airlines,culture,fear,kids,parody,terrorism,TSA"
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TSA’s New Book Series for Kids Just Released
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New TSA Airline Safety Card
click the card for full information…
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Chertoff Stole My Toothpaste
I was Armed to the Teeth!!
Michael Chertoff, the Homeland Security mega weeine and his TSA cronies STOLE MY TOOTHPASTE!!
I was traveling via plane from one secret destination to another last weekend. I had purchased a new tube of Crest (or was it Colgate?) and put it in my ditty-bag with my other groming supplies. I remembered not to take my trimming sizzors, nail clippers and extra fuses, cause I didnt want to have a cavity search at the airport again.
So I got through the screening fine and went on my trip. On my return it was a different matter. They pulled my carry-on bag to the side and proceeded to open it up (without my premision I might add). I warned the pimply faced TSA guy that my bag was full of dirty underware but he did not stop! You see, he knew that I had a tube of slightly used toothpaste, and Chertoff wanted it!
They tell me that I could only have 3 ounces of the shit and my tube was 7.6 ounces. So I told the guy that they passed it through the airport I was at 2 days before. He didnt give a fuck. He wanted it to give to Chertoff cause he was too cheap to buy his own.
OK now I’m PISSED, “Call your supervisor” I told the wimp who I’m sure had never been laid.
Then the “super” came over and word-for-word told me that same thing. So I told him word-for-word what I said to pee-wee. He would’nt budge. So they took my tube. FUCK YOU Chertoff!
So next time I travel I’m going to buy a 3 ounce tube of Colgate and put a fuse in it..
Oh, ever notice that you never-ever see Chertoff’s teeth?!
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Toy dog causes stink
A novelty dog toy which breaks wind as it bends over sparked a major security alert at a US airport, its stunned owner said today. Designer Dave Rogerson said he could not believe what was happening to him when the life-size mechanical terrier set off an explosives detector at Norfolk airport in Virginia.
Armed security staff sprang into action after something in the dog’s “wind breaking” mechanism apparently registered as the high explosive TNT on their sensitive equipment. Rogerson, 31, from Leeds, was grilled by FBI agents and looked on in amazement as they took a series of swabs from the replica animal’s rear end.
They eventually returned the dog but stopped Rogerson taking his planned flight to Charlotte, North Carolina, and re-routed him via Philadelphia. “They told me it was the highest reading they had for explosives and they took it very seriously,” said Rogerson. “They were very jumpy and convinced there was something explosive in the dog.”
Rogerson, who was heading home from the US when the incident happened earlier this month, said he was not formally arrested but was held for a number of hours for questioning. He said the situation was made worse because he had placed his passport and boarding card under the dog as it passed through the sensor machine. When the agents demanded his papers he had to tell them they were in the isolation zone around the dog. Rogerson said: “They were very, very serious. They weren’t aggressive but I got a real grilling. “I couldn’t believe where the FBI agents were putting their swabs. “They must have got whatever it was off the dog because they let me have it back.” Rogerson said he had named the dog Norfolk, after the airport.
